“Sitting on fences is likely to get mighty uncomfortable, especially if people on either side decide to tug on a leg at the same time!”
That was a quote, directed at me, on a forum I joined recently to help me pimp out this very blog you’re reading right now.
It made me wince. Mainly because the idea of my precious testicles being sandwiched against a fence sounds absolutely brilliant [/sarcasm] but also because it hit me that certain people really are expecting me to – ultimately – choose some sort of ‘side’. At some point, at least.
So yes. I have had people tugging at my leg. In short, my balls have taken quite the pounding. There are the Christians subtly wishing me well on my ‘journey’ (ie, expecting Church attendance to eventually wear me down) and then there are the Atheists, warning me to watch my back during sermons… And more extreme reactions: Christians telling me that what I’m doing is disrespectful, both to God and to my own wife – Atheists flat out informing me that my marriage is doomed.
But the way I see it, the only thing doomed is the proverbial testi-satchel hanging between my legs – and that’s just metaphorical anyway! Surely it can’t hurt that much! Admittedly there is some pain, mostly me getting a bit pissed off with ignorant people (in particular those that suggest I don’t respect my missus) but I can certainly learn to live with it.
Honestly? I’m happy to sit on the fence a bit for now. I’ve been vague with my own position, and that’s been deliberate – I don’t believe in the supernatural, and I guess technically that makes me an atheist, but I genuinely don’t want to influence or preach one way or the other.
Because the world is full of people intent on telling you what to believe – on both sides of the fence – and they’ll start tugging on your legs at the first sign of weakness.
Christians will bang on your door – because apparently you’re an empty vessel. Somewhere in amongst all those organs (I don’t know, I’m not a bloody Doctor!) there’s a giant hole in your heart, and it can only be filled with Jesus.
Atheists are similar – only they think there’s a giant hole in your brain. They’ll literally throw the book at you – usually The God Delusion, or that one that whatsisface wrote, The Origin of Faeces (I’m joking – I do believe in Evolution).
And both sets of thinkers bark at each other’s face in an endlessly indulgent dozy doh. I should know – I’ve dozied with the best of them. Each side thinks if I just tell him about Jesus/Logic he’ll understand. I’ll change his/her mind eventually. If only they would just listen…
But no-one listens; or very rarely they do. The whole argument just devolves into some kind of weird competition – like a really rubbish game of monopoly that no-one wins. And no-one wants to give up, because when that guy lands on my hotel, he’ll have no choice but to quit.
Then round and round we go – until someone eventually just launches the board across the room and uppercuts Grandma in the face.
And then no-one wins.
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